As a very green, short, super young-looking twenty-two year old teacher fresh out of Clemson, I had to learn some quick tricks for survival in a high school classroom. Never show fear was certainly one of them; Establish a community of mutual respect was another. I liked to inform my students that I ran a benevolent dictatorship (a term I stole from someone else). But the lesson I have found to be most applicable in my day-to-day life is one that I learned very quickly as a teacher: Admit when you are wrong or do not know the answer. A hungry pack of high school students love nothing more than the opportunity to pounce on a know-it-all nubie. They will eat your lunch if you are not strong enough to be humble before them. Weakness they will devour, but humility they can respect. That’s a principle that has served me well in my relationship with Him.

In the spirit of real talk, I have times when I’m not doing so fabulously spiritually and emotionally. Times of doubting and wrestling and seeking and questioning. I run into a question for God that I don’t think I get to know the answer to on this side of eternity. “Father, why do You allow_____________?” And the content of my question is not important because if we’re all honest we could probably fill in that blank with a number of scenarios. Cancer. Natural disasters. Child abuse. Birth defects. Divorce. The fragments of earthly pain could go on endlessly… And I don’t really and truly get to understand the answers to those questions, so how do I move forward in my relationship with Him when I run smack into a wall of doubt and questions?

After days of asking to feel His presence and reassurance, asking for joy and peace and hope again, I come to the strength (certainly provided by Him) to humbly say, “I don’t know the answer, Lord. I don’t know the answer to this question, but I am banking on Your promises:

• There is no darkness in You (1 John 1:5).
• You will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).
• You are ever faithful and just (Deuteronomy 32:4).
• You can take anything in my life and work it for good (Romans 8:28).
• You are merciful and gracious and compassionate (Nehemiah 9:31, Psalm 86:15).
• You are still in the healing business (Psalm 147:3).
• You love me more than I can wrap my brain around (Revelation 1:6).”

So I am clenching with a tight fist His 100% track record in my life. 100% of the time, He has been right on time, true to His Word, perfectly faithful and involved and present. So in the face of circumstances I do not understand, I am making a conscious choice to trust in His character and believe in His goodness. That is a decision I can will myself to make, even if my emotions aren’t on board initially.

So I humbly admit to you that I don’t know the answers to a lot of life’s hard questions, but I know my God is good and he loves me.