Cookie Cawthon

9

April

NUMB3RS

Numbers can be quite revealing; here are the numbers from the past two days:

2 fillings in the left side of my mouth
42 dental instruments in my mouth at once
10 times I gagged in the dental chair
4 1/2 hours of numbness and a fat tongue
1 34 year-old woman reduced to a whimpering six year-old
9 Diet Pepsi’s
0 minutes exercising
3 episodes of Dora
4 loads of laundry
5 blogs I enjoy following
25 bags of groceries
2 hot baths
73 loud, harsh construction noises from next door
1 fat cat nap (nothing like it to change your perspective)
5 episodes of chocolate
59 puzzle pieces strewn across the kitchen floor by the puzzle-obsessed 2 year-old
2 meals eaten in the car
2 meals cooked (although what constitutes a meal is certainly open for debate)
5 different pairs of shoes left around the house by one precious 5 year-old
11 times I thought my car smelled gross
3 Cawthons doing the Hokey Pokey at dance class
21 hugs and kisses……………priceless!

8

April

As I have continued to process the thoughts behind my last post, I kinda came to a conclusion that this season of such unmerited blessing (our Monday night Bible study has grown 60% in two weeks with five or six different churches represented, and I did nothing to cause that. I didn’t even do anything to help that happen. I didn’t even pray for that to happen. In fact, we were discussing disbanding so that we could all be involved in the summer activities of our respective churches. God is blowin’ the doors off it, and I consider it one of the coolest blessings ever to see Him take it over and do His thing, but I digress...)…

I was saying that this season of blessing is part of the preparation for the tears ahead. To store up personal experiences with His goodness, His faithfulness, His grace, His forgiveness, His attentiveness, His strength, His wisdom, His timing and to draw from that when I need it.

I am thankful He is preparing me, and I am having a blast along the way. More fun than I have ever had.

7

April

What lies ahead…

I am standing in the greatest season of blessing of my life. God has allowed me to see Him move in absolutely astounding ways. He is affirmatively answering specific prayers left and right; I can barely wrap my brain around it. It’s humbling.

But every now and then I stand toe to toe with the fear of what lies ahead. Hardship. Pain. Loss. Illness (the ounce of worldly superstition that lives in my pinky toe is terrified to type this for fear of speeding the fulfillment of this truth).

I think it’s good to have a keen awareness of how God is blessing me, to constantly acknowledge how undeserving I am of His favor, to bless others out of my gratitude, and to maintain a healthy understanding of how this life process, this growth process works. God will allow pain into my life to sharpen me, to draw me into complete dependence and trust, to further purify me, and to render me more effective in ministry to others. That’s just the deal.

I know my God’s character well enough to build my life on His faithfulness and goodness, but often times knowledge doesn’t automatically change behavior. Much like the fact that people continue to smoke even though they are aware it causes cancer, someone as friendly with fear as I am still has to wrestle with this issue often.

Easy livin’ eventually leads to sloppy spirituality. I can’t remember where I read that, but it’s truth in my life. That’s scary to me, but I am seeking a healthy balance in my view of God’s blessings.

And I am praying regularly to be prepared for what lies ahead…

4

April

Reflection

I had a disturbing experience at church this past Sunday. Chris and I were “teaching” the two year-old class during “big” church (thirteen preschoolers in all), and it was our first time in this particular class. As parents were depositing their little ones in our care; I was all business – compulsively counting little ones at all times, speaking with parents, trying to remember which bag belonged to whom, who pottied and who would need changing, monitoring the shenanigans of the youth helpers, trying to keep kids from drinking out of the wrong cups, and wondering how in the tarnation I was going to tell the story of John baptizing Jesus in a way that was relevant and riveting for my audience.

And I am not an effective multi-tasker. I can be super-focused girl, but a multi-tasker I am not.

And in walks a mom who is a first-time visitor. There are many people at the church we attend that we do not know, so I did not know this was her first visit. My demeanor was the same with her; I think I was cordial and pleasant. Perhaps she saw the frazzle in my eyes, but she stepped into the hall for a few moments of hesitation and then re-entered the room to retrieve her son. I was shocked. She went on to collect her other two children, and she and her husband left.

I hate revisiting this experience because it is a negative reflection on me and how I failed to serve and reassure this mom. There are many reasons she may have left, but I bear at least some, if not all, of the responsibility for this incident. She was not at all rude to me, nor did she seem angry, but she was obviously displeased.

And you know, it bothers me so much because I was the face of that church to her and I am to be a face that reflects Jesus to her, and I missed the mark. I’m not heaping condemnation on my head, but I am trying to be changed by that brief interaction. I want to forever remember it; I am thankful it happened.

Whether I am at church or at the convenience store or at the gym or at Carson’s school, I am a face that is to reflect Jesus. I get that. And normally I am very conscious of trying to behave in a way that honors and pleases Him, but when I was distracted I missed an opportunity to minister to a family who was probably looking for a community of believers to plug in to.

If I knew her name or had her email address, I would love to apologize for her experience. But sometimes we don’t get second chances; we don’t get a do-over. So it is my prayer that I will ever be sensitive to opportunities to communicate reassurance and encouragement to those who may need a dose and that I will be committed to serving others with excellence.

Because I am a face that is to reflect Jesus…

4

April

That’s How I Roll…

I looked in the mirror yesterday around lunchtime and found that I was wearing only one earring. No, the other one wasn’t lost. No, the other one hadn’t fallen out during the morning chaos, but thank you for trying to excuse my absentmindedness. I had simply put in one earring and gone right about my business.

I had dropped off Campbell at school and volunteered in Carson’s class, and no one said anything. Chances are they didn’t notice; it’s not a big deal really. But it is indicative of how I move through some days – haphazard and scattered.

But, you know, it’s like a ten year-old snowboarder told my husband when Chris complimented his funky ski hat, “That’s how I roll…”

So there, most of the time I’m a crazed nut case mom with my one earring; french fries, crayons, cups, and drawings rolling out of my car door when it’s opened; speeding like a bullet everywhere I go to reach the unattainable goal of actually being on time somewhere; and sporting some kind of food stain at all times.

But you what, that’s how I roll..