Spiritual Growth

The past few summers have provided the same quandary each year. When my routine changes, my spiritual discipline is quite disrupted. Well, this week I decided to return to one of my favorite books of the Bible – Psalms. So, while my girls’ brains turn to mush on a regular diet of Tom and Jerry and Penelope Pitstop in the mornings, I am trying to ingest something more nourishing. I am taking a day or two or three and chewing on one psalm and journaling questions, thoughts, other related verses, etc… I’m less than a week in, but I have been quickly reminded how much I love His Word! Makes me ask the question that so many of us come back to time and time again – Why do I choose junk over sustenance, distraction over transformation, and sloth over growth?

So, I may come on over every now and then and share some of my thoughts, questions, etc…, and I would love for you to join the conversation. Nothing structured here. No expectations. I’m not committing to anything here 🙂 (most of you know all of this noncommittal mumbo-jumbo is for my own benefit; otherwise I’ll freak out like a wet cat).

Psalm 1

Heavenly Father,

May I truly and genuinely and really delight in your law and meditate on it day and night. I want to be a tree planted by streams of water who bears fruit in its season and whose leaf does not wither. I want whatever I do to prosper because I am so immersed in Your will that You can bless every thought, action, word, and deed as it brings you immense glory. May I not forfeit knowing You and serving You and pleasing You by walking in the counsel of the wicked, or standing in the way of sinners, or sitting in the seat of mockers. Your Word is powerful and You are glorious! Please allow all distractions to fall away that I might live with a singular focus – YOU! Please watch over my way and strengthen me as a warrior princess for YOU!

Okay, my I-pod is officially dead, and I am more than a little peeved by that fact, but that isn’t how I ended up with a broken playlist. My broken playlist is actually a list of songs I put together a couple of nights ago. These are songs that I want to crank when I feel broken.

Not a devastating broken.

A healthy broken. A recognition of my weakness and my poverty of spirit before the Creator of the Universe. An acknowledgement of His sovereignty and his healing. Gratitude for His provision. Humility before the God Who Sees Me.

Here’s my fave – in case you’re in the market for a broken playlist too:

LOVE HER! And here are the others…

Your Love is Extravagant – Casting Crowns
Stay Strong – Newsboys
At the Foot of the Cross – Kathryn Scott
The Valley Song – Jars of Clay
Healer – Hillsong
While I’m Waiting – John Waller
Jesus Paid It All – Kristian Stanfill
Draw Me Close – Kutless
Clinging to the Cross – Tim Hughes (with Brooke Fraser)
Sweetly Broken – Jeremy Riddle
Saviour King – Hillsong
Mighty to Save – Hillsong

Most of these are pretty old, well-played tunes, but together they set the stage for some beautiful submission.

So that’s my broken playlist, and I like it that way. My I-pod, on the other hand, is a totally different story…

Thought I’d share some of my favorite verses right now:

Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me. Psalm 119:133

I am your servant; give me discernment that I may understand your statutes. Psalm 119:125

Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Colossians 4:5

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6

During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Hebrews 5:7

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. Psalm 119:36-37

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6-7

For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. 2 Corinthians 2:15

God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to His eyes. Psalm 18:24 (The Message)

So, I rolled up into the gym on Saturday for an unexpected treat. I love Zumba (an aerobics class inspired by Latin dance), and the two main Zumba instructors were team teaching from 10-10:50. I found my spot in a packed out studio; there were 50-60 folk up in there. IT WAS PRAISE AND WORSHIP ZUMBA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I think that can sound hokey if you’re like imagining Zumba to some fluffy Christian music or something, but it wasn’t – hokey or fluffy. Not many instructors could pull that off, but these two are funky white girls who love Jesus, and it was worship! Granted, not all of the participants were worshiping, but I was a sweaty, soggy mess by the end. Hands raised. Eyes turned upward, deafening music, and a grateful heart for His blessings on my life. One of my favorite worship experiences of all time. Imagine 2 Samuel 6:14-16, though fully clothed (I love that passage!).

Disclaimer #4: Worship isn’t for my enjoyment; it’s for HIS adoration. BUT, it can be fun and enjoyed!

Here are some of my other favorite times of worship, and I have a correction to my last post. After yesterday, now two of those faves have taken place in a church.

• Several years ago, CeCe Winans led worship for Beth Moore in the ATL. Need I say more? 20,000 women singing “He’s a Wonder” is my all-time, off-the-chart favorite. PURE!
• Absolutely any time I get to connect spiritually with my children – whether we are thrashing about to worship music or discussing a question about Jesus or really praying together. We make lots of stabs at this one and we miss way more than we hit, but we have had opportunities to genuinely worship together, and that too is purity at its finest.
• I love worshiping while I run. I have been running on the Rail Trail when there is no one in sight, no one nearby, and normally that would terrify me. But the sun was brilliant through the trees, and I turned my music off to just experience Him in His beauty. And atop the Cooper River Bridge just a few weeks ago. It’s not the music – I don’t even run to Christian music; it’s just when I am most aware of his blessing of health and strength. Unfortunately, all runs are not created equally, and all runs are not worship experiences.
• On a dock at Lake Jocassee = sun + silence + Scripture + a still lake + lush mini-mountains + no people + no boats + staggering BEAUTY = GOD! One of the ways that I know that I know that I know that I know that we are all without excuse (Romans 1:20).
• In a condo at Wrightsville Beach, NC, where one woman after another shared her life’s secret through torrential tears. We begged Him to heal us and free us, and we sang praises together for His goodness and to His glory (Hebrews 5:7)!
• Years and years ago I was praying for a little girl with cancer. I did not know her nor her parents, but I had been asked to pray for them. In my quiet time I began to intercede on her behalf and something inside of me broke, and I began to sob uncontrollably. I could no longer speak; heck, I couldn’t breathe, but somehow even in that there was prayer and acknowledgement of His power (Romans 8:26-27). That hasn’t ever happened again, but it was neat in a very weepy way.
• On my face on the floor of the Cawthon and Chapman homes many nights as we asked God to do a new thing in Florence, SC.
• Worshiping at UNLEASH in March 2008 only days after learning that God was going to be doing a new thing in Florence, SC – NewSpring Church.
• Yesterday hearing eleven scattered voices speak in confident unison to receive Christ’s death and resurrection as their own at the conclusion of the service at NewSpring Florence.

He is ever worthy of our worship and praise!

Disclaimer: Before I tick anybody off, I don’t think that you have to worship like me. The Bible gives like a gazillion ways we can worship – with tambourines, in silence, with dancing, with lifted hands, in prayer, with loud cries, in meditation, etc… I love ’em all. I want to worship Him in every way possible.

But do you think you have to learn how to worship God? I’m not sure, but I felt a little like that as a new follower of Christ. I didn’t quite know how to express my awe of Him, how to communicate my adoration for Him. Initially, I cried a lot. When I would experience Him afresh, or hear from Him, or sense His presence, I would cry. I worshiped with tears because it was all so new (and to be honest, so supernatural) that I just melted, walked around in a puddle every Sunday after church.

Then, as I became more accustomed to encountering Him, I learned how to talk to Him and how to interact with Him through His Word. We began a real conversation, and I learned how to praise Him through prayer (praying the Psalms was great practice when I couldn’t think of my own words) and how to hear from Him through Scripture.

After we had a few years under our belt, I discovered how to be open to allowing music to take me to a place of worship – how to close my eyes, listen intently, and allow the lyrics to become my prayer. I still worship in all of these ways, but this is probably my favorite because I love me some tunes.

But I noticed as I sang in worship in the car and at church and sometimes even at home, I felt I had to consciously think about my hands, arms, legs, and feet because they were getting into this thing too, and if I didn’t keep a watchful eye on ’em, they were definitely going to embarrass me in public. So, I became a closet singing/dancing/crying/praying worshiper. I would go into my bedroom at night (while Chris watched TV); I would close the door, cut out all the lights (I didn’t want to see myself either) and really pour myself out to Him.

That was about the same time that I began to try out different postures of prayer. I was ready to break free of the notion that prayer HAD to be head bowed, hands folded, eyes closed. I began to worship on my knees, completely prostrate on the floor, in a ball on the floor (like how you do in leap frog when someone is leaping over you), and standing with both arms lifted to Him. I still worship in all of those ways and have found it very meaningful to seek a posture of humility, of praise, of submission, etc…, as I approach Him.

Now, I feel pretty free to be publicly demonstrative in worship. I do try not to wig you out if we are in the same row together at church, but I also try to close my eyes and focus only on HIM, adoring HIM.

Disclaimer #2: What I do with my body when I worship means nothing. Worship occurs in my heart and in my mind. I have just tried different ways to arrive at a place of total concentration on Him.

Don’t know why I wanted to share this except that I think it’s pretty interesting how a girl very uncomfortable with demonstrative worshippers in church actually became one.

Disclaimer #3: Where I worship can and should be anywhere. In fact, I had one of my favorite worship experiences today at the gym. Stay tuned for that experience and a few of my other faves. As far as I remember right now, only one of them actually occurred in a church. Until then…